Be Strong: Don't let your own thoughts stress you out!

Think about how often we all have conversations in the privacy of our own minds. It happens, practically nonstop, all day long, every day of our lives. We’re in the car thinking about something – a deadline, an argument, a potential conflict, a mistake, a worry, whatever. Or we’re at the office or in the shower, doing the very same thing – and it all seems so real. When we are thinking, however, it’s easy to lose sight of the fact that we think thoughts, not reality. Let me explain. It may seem strange, but most of us have a tendency to forget that we’re thinking because it’s something that we’re always doing – like breathing. But until I mentioned breathing, you weren’t really consciously aware that you were breathing—were you?

Thinking works in a similar way. Because it’s such a part of us, we tend to give enormous significance and take very seriously most of the thoughts that drift through our minds. We begin to treat our thoughts as if they were the real thing, allowing them to stress us out.

If you reflect on this idea, you’ll probably be able to see the practical implications. When you have a thought, that’s all it is – a thought. Thoughts certainly don’t have the power or authority to stress you out without your conscious or unconscious consent. Thoughts are just images and ideas in your mind.

Listen to the criticism and get the +ive/-ive

When someone criticizes you, instead of attacking the other person(s) for their words and building a hostile atmosphere try to calm it down. Try to remain level-headed, open and figure out how this can help you. Even when someone blurts out something not too constructive like “Your work/blog/product stinks!” you might want to ask a few open-ended questions like:

- Why does it stink?
- How can I improve it?
- How can we solve this?

If they can’t answer your questions then they are probably just lashing out. But there is sometimes valuable information in negative criticism. Try to get practical and concrete details about what’s wrong. Perhaps there is already a solution to the problem but you need more information to realise that. By improving the communication and making it more specific and detailed you can come closer to understanding each other and solving the problem. If you can understand, help and change the mood of the one delivering the criticism he or she will probably appreciate it quite a bit and you may have turned a potential conflict into a valuable relationship.